Is it FINALLY time?

37 weeks

I woke up Sunday feeling run down.  Perhaps it's because Saturday was such an eventful day: my daughters' bible quiz tournament was here in town, so I was finally able to watch them compete.  They got 2nd place.

I started feeling nauseous, but not really getting sick.  I just wanted to sleep.

Monday I felt worse and was getting sick, so I worked from home.    No one needs to see a pregnant woman getting sick.  I wasn't contracting as much, which was a plus.

Tuesday, April 1, my husband decided to play a joke:

 

It made a few people mad, including me.

I decided some fresh air was in order, maybe that would help with the nausea.  So I went for a casual walk at my neighborhood park.  Went home, and then the "fun" started.

I'd never experienced my water breaking naturally; it was broken for me when I was induced with Samantha, and then it happened after epidural with Emmalee and Steven, so I didn't know what it would feel like.  I'd been told it would be a gush or a trickle, but I also know babies can put pressure on a bladder and cause the same trickle feeling.

I went about my day as usual, but after a few hours I called my doctor; I didn't want to have to go to the hospital for nothing.  Of course she wasn't there, and the other doctors in the office were too busy.  By this point its after 3pm, I have my three kids and husband is working… so I call and have him come home early.

He dropped me off, he figured it was another false alarm, and told me to call when I was released.

First thing we noticed was baby's heart rate was high.  I mean, really high.  The nurse, who was probably the best nurse we'd had, was very proactive.  After the initial test showed that my water did not break, and that I was still only at 3cm dilated, she suggested a few more to the young resident who was seeing me.  As they were prepping for these test, suddenly I felt a gush… but it wasn't my amniotic fluid, it was blood.  OK, now we're in critical mode.

The doctor on call was not available, so a senior resident was brought it.  Baby's heart rate was still high, but slowing down.  We did ultrasounds to check fluid levels and umbilical cord placement.  Everything was normal.  At this point, my husband is back and trying to calm me down. After being there for almost 3 hours, they check me again… 5cm!  Hallelujah it's time!  

When Nothing Helps

36 Weeks

Nothing has stopped the contractions.  Nothing has caused me to go into full labor.  Nothing is helping the Hyperemesis that has returned.

(Again, almost 4cm at my last appointment, 90%.)

I don't have much of an appetite now, and if I have to much to drink I feel all swishy.  I hadn't really gotten sick since my visit to the hospital 3 weeks ago, but now it's back.

The baby goes through times of a lot of sleep, no movement, which scared me.  Then she/he gets all frantic and every slight movement is painful.

It feels as though the baby is sitting sideways… at this point he/she should have their head down, and back to my front.  But it's back is to my right side, and it's feet kicking my left.  This kid has always favored my right side…

Perhaps if this kids were to get into the right position, everything would move along.  I sit up as straight as possible, I sit on the exercise ball, I lay on my left side, I lean up against walls.  This kid is being stubborn.

I've been taking the Evening Primerose Oil (Omega-6). I replaced my Omega-3 with it.  It sits better with me, doesn't cause the heartburn that the Omega-3 did.  And if it will help bring on labor, great!

Can I Really Handle This?

35 Weeks

I went to my doctor on Thursday las week, and was 3, "maybe 4" centimeters dilated.  She told me that she was on call Monday and the following Sunday, and if I went in, she'd probably be able to help move things along.

Well, she didn't.

I went through the weekend, expecting things to be progressing.  I walked as much as I could, drank my Raspberry Leaf tea as often as I could.  Got my maternity leave stuff done for work.

I wanted to go in on Sunday, but decided to wait.

Monday morning, I said goodbye to the kids as they got on the bus, they were excited to think that they'd be able to give me "proper hugs" soon.

Hubby and I went walking around the mall for a bit, just to really get things going.  Of course I was already contracting, but I wanted to be sure baby was really ready to come out.  I think we were annoying some of the regular walkers, because of the frequent stops I was making.  Sorry.

I was still at 3cm, but could be "stretched" to 4cm (sorry, TMI).  She let me walk around for an hour, hoping it would make a difference.  We walked around the first floor for I don't know how long, stopping every other minute.  Surprisingly, we were only asked one time if we were OK and if I needed a wheel chair.  We kindly told the doctor, no, I need to walk.  Did she not see my belly?

When we got back to my bed, the contractions were crazy.  I mean, crazy.  Resting point 0, maxing out at 127 (whatever that means) and lasting about 90 seconds, every 2 minutes.  According to the nurse, that's what she sees when a woman is ready to push.  And when my doctor checked me… no change.  I was crying in pain.  She could see on my face that sending me home like that was not going to happen.  So she admitted me.

I think she was really hoping that something was going to happen that afternoon.  I wonder if that's why she sent a resident to check me, because in the past they'd incorrectly stated that I was more dilated than I really was, so she could in fact move things along…

Thankfully the Nubain helped a bit, but boy these contractions hurt.  My back hurt, my front hurt, everything hurt.   After 3 doses, the contractions started to become irregular.  Didn't go away, didn't become less intense, but spacing out more.

When the doctor came in to check me in the morning, there had been no change, so I was discharged.  I started to bawl my eyes out.  How the heck am I suppose to go another month like this?  It's to a point where I can't concentrate on ANYTHING.  Watching TV, listening to music, helping my kids with homework, folding laundry… Nothing distracts me, and in everything I do I need a "break" every couple of minutes.  I mean, even writing this, I've been working on it for over an hour.

At this point, our biggest fear is when everything really starts, it will happen so fast that I can't get to the hospital in time.

2 Weeks Later And...

No baby!

28 weeks now.

It's been 2 weeks since my hospital stay (Jan 10-13), where tests showed a 40% chance that I'd have the baby in 2 week.  Guess what, no baby!  Praise God!

Still having some mild contractions, the Procardia does seem to be working, but there have been days when I wish I could take it after 3 hours instead of 4.

I'm glad I was able to work from home a few days this week.  It feels so much better to be stretched out, not just sitting.

It feels like baby is trying to move positions, but can't.  Every night, usually around 3AM, I am woken up with crazy movements and hits, like she/he is trying to move head down, but then give us and stays laying across my belly.  And right under the diaphragm… I mean, really, his/her hiccups are not pleasant.  They contribute to my heartburn and nausea.  As much as I'd like baby to not be breach, it's somewhat relieving, because baby's not in the birthing position.

Speaking of birthing position… someone informed my 8 year old daughter the 2 ways babies come out of mommy's tummies: cut out in surgery or through "private parts."  My husband and I were in shock for a few minutes, then he whispered to me "yea, I might have told her that…"  So much for prolonged innocence…

How to Behave Around A Pregnant Woman Part 3

Sometimes people have a hard time reading others, so often times ask the wrong questions without knowing that it's inappropriate or an uncomfortable topic.  Others, just don't care...

Now again, this is just my opinion, with input from some friends, but I think most pregnant women would agree.  Here is part 3 of my list.



Don't Ask  "Are you going to quit your job?"  Wow, so just because I'm a mom I can't work?  I was a stay at home mom for a couple of years, and it was ok... I loved being home with my kids, but didn't have any other stay at home mom friends at the time, so I was lonely.   Stay at home moms need adult conversation, which they don't often get.  Since I wasn't outgoing, making new friends was hard.  When I went to work part time I was able to be a mom, but also help support my family and feel like a productive adult at the same time.

Don't Ask "Is this your last?"  Why is it any of your business?  I'm very proud of how my 3 children are maturing and developing, and I welcome the challenge of adding 1 more child to our family.

Don't judge a woman's birth plan.  If I could have all natural home births, I probably would try it.  But my pregnancies have each had their complications that I feel safest in a hospital.  What works for one mom doesn't not necessarily work for the next.  If she wants an epidural, she's getting an epidural.  If she doesn't, she doesn't.  If she's having a scheduled C-Section, or being induced, there are reasons for it.  If you can't say anything nice or encouraging, don't say anything at all.

Don't Ask "Are you going to breast feed?"  I cringe when I hear that question, especially around guys.   Can't you use the term "nurse the baby" instead?  But again, that's a women's choice.  And nursing a baby can be really difficult!  I wasn't able to nurse my daughters for more than a couple of months.  I was given extra resources when my son was in the NICU, which really helped me be able to nurse for 9 months.  But seriously, I'm the mother, the baby will be fed in a manner that works for me, and for him/her.

Check out Part 1 and Part 2 of my list

3 Day Hospital Stay

26 Weeks, still

During my hospital stay, they injected me with Terbutaline.  I'd had it before, but with my POTS, boy that sucked.  Dizziness, and a hyper baby, made for an interesting evening.  The nurses came in to my room every 20 minutes to adjust the monitors for baby's heart rate.  They told me to sleep, but how in the world is a person suppose to sleep if they're being disturbed every 20 minutes.  According to my Jawbone UP, I got 2 hours of sleep that night - 0 hours of deep sleep.

I was prescribed 3 days of Procardia, 4 times a day.  It was suppose to help relax everything.  I was also given 2 doses of a Steroid injection, to help baby's lungs develop.

Saturday I met with a Doctor from the NICU, to give us information about if I were to deliver in the next 2 weeks.  She arrive initially when I was alone, and the minute she walked in the room and introduced herself, I started to cry.  I couldn't handle this, not yet.  I asked if she could come back, when Steve arrived.  She agreed.  So when he did come visit me, I had the nurse call her back.  According to the hospital statistics, babes born at 25 weeks have an 89% survival rating, most of them going on to live normal healthy lives.  They stay until their due dates, sometimes longer.  But if I could make it to 26 weeks, the rate goes up to 93%, and higher each week after that, with less NICU time.  I know families with Micro-premies, I've seen the good and the bad.  I was scared.  She tried to reassure us, if we could get baby to at least 32 weeks, with 1 more dose of the steroid shot, we'd have a perfectly healthy baby boy or girl coming home with us, with no more than a 2 week NICU stay.  Of course, 34 weeks and on is better.

By Sunday morning, the contractions had almost dissipated, only a few here an there, mostly when baby was really active.  I met with the Fetal Monitoring Specialist.  He was a ton of fun (sarcasm).  Again, this was something I needed my husband there for.  Thankfully my nurse was in the room with me for support.  It's not his job to sugar coat anything, I need to know the risks.  But goodness, is it MY FAULT that I had hyperemesis from day 1?  Do you really think a woman choses to feel like crap, puking 15+ times a day, not being able to eat or drink anything for months, and have to walk around with 4L of IV fluids for weeks?  Oh, and the blot clot causing the PICC line to need to be removed was absolutely preventable…. Yeah, totally my fault.  Then he gave me a hard time about not getting genetic testing done.  We didn't get it with the other 3, so why would I do it this time?  Why add the stress of a possible positive test (which doesn't mean anything's wrong, just that they're a chance).  He actually tried to get me to do the test that day.  We said no.  (Side Note:  I'm sure he's a well respected doctor and know what he's doing, but his bedside manner was atrocious.)

They needed to keep me for 24 more hours, to complete my procardia doses, and to observe baby for 24 hours after my steroid injection.  I also had to wait for ultrasound.

I was looking forward to this ultrasound.  Hoping that we could get some proper measurements of the baby, since we really couldn't at my office visit a couple of months ago.  Baby was finally cooperating. He/she was about 10 inches long, 1Lb and14oz.  Strong heart beat, active, tons of hiccups (which everyone said is REALLY GOOD).  Baby's adjusted due date: April 15.  Got some great facial pictures: his/her hand by it's face, and a couple of 3D images of it's face.

Deep in Though

Frowny Face

I even found out what we were having.  Steve told me I could, but I have to keep it to myself.  I told him I needed to know who I was praying for, not just baby, but by it's name.  My secret, but I'm so glad to know.

I was discharged after I got back to my room.  I wasn't  put on strict bed rest, but told I needed to remain as sedentary as possible.  I needed to eliminate all stress (did I mention I already have 3 kids?) and rest as much as I can.  The Fetal Monitoring specialist came to see me again before I left (yay).  Both he (and the NICU doctor, and my nurses, and every OB I saw this weekend) told me to ask for as much help as possible.  Get someone to bring us food, run errands, watch the kids so I can nap.  I hate asking for help, because the last time we did, no one helped...

Dr. S. said he expects to see me again in 6 weeks.  Not for an appointment, but because he doesn't think I'll make it that far.  Pastor and his wife prayed over us, spoke the Word for an April baby.  I have faith in that, but as long as baby comes after March 4, I know he/she will be OK.  

It Happened Again

Week 26

Everything we've been trying so hard to avoid this pregnancy happened again.

At 25 wks, 4 days, I went in to Early Labor.

I'd been experiencing contractions the last few weeks, especially on my bad HG days.  They weren't painful, or frequent, just there.  It's common with dehydration.  But since I was still having trouble keeping in fluids, I did my best.

Then the Kidney infection just after Christmas threw a kink into things, causing more dehydration as I tried to, ahem, "flush" the infection out.  And then Snomageddon 2014 hit and I had a nasty cold, followed by a day of acting as though HG never left…

I had told my nurse about the contractions, and the doctor.  They both said that if they're consistent, 10 minutes or less apart, for 2 hours, to go to the hospital.  I was probably just overly dehydrated from being sick and a few IV bags would bring everything back to normal.

So on Friday, January 10 in the afternoon I started feeling them.  At first they were every 20 minutes, no big deal.  Then they got to be 15, then 12, then 10, then very quickly every 5 minutes.  I did everything you're suppose to do for 'Braxton Hicks'.  Drink more water, empty bladder, move around.  Nothing eased them up.  So at  6:30pm, I had my husband bring me to the hospital.  On my way we let a few people know, including our Pastor's wife.  We had to wait in a holding area until a bed was available.  I'd never seen this room before with my other 3, so it must have been new within the last 6 years.  But the second a bed was available, about 20 minutes later, I was pulled ahead of the other pregnant moms waiting (who didn't look like they were in labor or anything).

I'd been in these rooms before, 6 years earlier, when I was pregnant with Steven.  But that was at 30 weeks with him… barely 26 weeks made it all so much scarier.  But I'm just dehydrated, right?

It wasn't long after I got into the "Special Monitoring" section of Labor and Delivery when our Pastor and his wife showed up.  I didn't even think I'd told them what hospital we were at.  It made us feel so much better.  Even though we knew we were in good hands physically and spiritually, it was great to have people coming and praying with us for our baby.

After we got hooked up onto the monitors, and got me some IV fluids, the testing began.  There was a a lot of deliveries happening, a midwife, a resident, a student and finally a doctor from the practice I go to all came to see me, and they'd all been quickly dispatched for deliveries. They ran a fetal fibronectin, which can determine if a woman will go into labor in the next 14 days.  I'd had with Samantha and Steven.  Supposedly, negative tests are 99% accurate, and positive tests are 40% accurate.  About 90 minutes after the test was done, the nurse came to deliver the news… positive test.

Thank God my husband was with me.  I was in shock.  He seemed to be too.  "Wait, positive is good, right".  No, positive is bad.  According to one of the partners from my doctor's office, I wasn't in active labor, no dilating or effacing, but cervix was a bit soft.  She didn't think I was going to be in that 40%.  Praise God.

But I wasn't going ANYWHERE anytime soon.

And So It Begins… Again

Week 25

Braxton Hicks contractions are suppose to be painless.  They're suppose to be short and infrequent.  So then why am I having them every 5 minutes, for about a minute, and it's stopping me in my tracks.  I've been doing everything that a woman's suppose to do when dealing with these: walk around, empty bladder, drink some water (as much as I can handle), take a bath, try to relax.

After talking to my nurse, and following up with my doctor, I was instructed to go to the hospital after 2 straight hours of these contractions.  I was averaging 90 minutes of contractions, then a few hours off.  Every day.  For the last week.  Even through the night.  So thankfully the contractions stop on their own after a while, keeping me out of the hospital for the time being.

Baby's heartbeat was a bit lower this week during my visit with Nurse Kate, and was hiding from the doppler.   Again, baby had the hiccups.

Because I've not gained a lot of weight (compared to other moms at this stage), I've not given baby a lot of room to move around.  So anytime he/she moves, it hurts.  Baby stays in a lateral position most of the day; now that it's growing the movements are more painful, and occasionally I'll get foot or hand in my ribs.

The nausea is returning more fiercely.  I'd really thought I was done being sick.  Guess I was wrong.  I suppose it's a good thing we were hit with these snow storms, I was able to stay in and rest without needing to call off work, because the whole city was shut down.  Hubby and the kids were able to keep themselves entertained while I rested.

Found this by the couch after I got done getting sick… aren't my kids sweet? 

I've been having a hard time sleeping, too.  Can't seem to sleep through the night.  My husband and I bought ourselves Jawbone Up 24's for Christmas, best investment ever.  While I don't have the energy to walk the suggested 10,000 steps per day, it's nice to see my sleeping patterns.  Which are pretty awful.  I guess it's my body's way of preparing me for sleepless nights in a couple of months.

Christmas and Kidney Infections

23 weeks

It's Christmas time… and I'm really not in the spirit of things.

I didn't want to bake cookies.  I didn't want to buy gifts.  I didn't want to cook.

My husband really took charge this year, and made it a Christmas to remember.

I'm not getting sick like I had been, just lots of heartburn and dry-heaving.  But I'm still not eating or drinking as much as I should be at this point.  To top it off, Braxton Hicks contractions are increasing, and I'm having awful back pain.

Nurse Kate came over to give my my weekly shot.  I mentioned to her all the hiccuping, and she got a bit concerned.  She wanted to listen to the heartbeat, make sure baby wasn't in distress (BP 160, very active, lots of hiccups).  Then she went through her list of possible symptoms, and when I mentioned the back pain, she nonchalantly asked where it hurt, and when I told her "middle of my back, right side only" she kinda went pale.  Kidney infection.  With Christmas the next day, calling the OB's office wasn't going to do much, and I wasn't going to spend my holiday in the ER, so she told me to drink as much cranberry juice and water as I could until I could be seen.

I'd only had one kidney infection in my life, I don't remember it being this painful.  When I finally got ahold of my doctor, she wasn't surprised and didn't even make me come in to the office.  She said with my dehydration and the baby growing right there, it's a wonder I didn't get one sooner.  So she called in  for some lab work and ordered me a high dose of antibiotics and told me to "take it easy."

Thankfully my kids were going to be going to my parents house for a few days while my husband and I work and they kids are off school.  I mentioned to my mom about the infection and she told me to make sure I ate greek yogurt while taking the antibiotics, it's suppose to prevent the 'good bacteria' from being killed off.  I can't handle yogurt right now, but I did pick up some acidophilus supplements, which should do the same thing.   My other big concern is the fact that antibiotics affect P.O.T.S, and not always right away.  I noticed my worst P.O.T.S. episode this pregnancy came a few weeks after my blog clot was treated with a few days of antibiotics…

So now my daily pill intake is:  3 Zophran, 4 Diclegis, 2 Phenergan, 8+ Tums, 3 mini prenatals, 1 B12, 1 Acidophilus and 2 Antibiotics…

Time to pump you up! (with meds)

21 weeks

It's December now, and very dry.  Something that many pregnant women experience is a runny nose throughout their pregnancy.  I do but I don't get it.  Apparently it's worse in women with Hyperemesis, because of the (ahem) excess fluids entering the nasal cavity.  Gross.

I've worked my way up to about 30-40 ounces of fluids per day, still no where near what I need to be drinking, but an improvement.  We keep a humidifier by me most of the time, but it stops working at random times, and it is new.  I've also caught a bit of a cold, and I'm still getting sick 3-5 times a day.  So dehydration is starting to set back in.

I called my doctor on a Wednesday morning, after I was woken up by a bloody nose.  I'd not had a bloody nose since I was a kid.  It wasn't awful, but I know it was the result of being dry and dehydrated.  So the doctor called in an order to get me started on IV Fluids.

However... because this new nurse staffing company is based out of the southwest, which just got hit with some nasty weather, orders did not reach my nurse quickly.  And then they had to ship my meds, which again took time.

So by Friday night I'd received my reglan pump (to help the nausea and keep fluids in) but my IV supplies did not arrive.  Fail.

The reglan pump... you've got to be kidding.  I have to stab my leg or belly every 3 days?  Really?  What sane person would willingly put a thumbtack in their leg?  Because that's what this thing looks like!

Reluctantly, I gave it a shot.  Now I'm not going to lie, I didn't feel very nauseous... at first.

The next morning, however, I got sick 3 times.  AND THEN I slept the entire day.  No matter how hard I tried to stay awake, I couldn't do it.  I fell asleep while helping my daughters with their Bible Quizzing.  Sitting up - not kidding.  So... I took it off.

Then the IV supplies arrived, and another nurse arrived to give me my IV fluids.  Well, she tried at least.  Three times in fact.  On attempt #3, she popped a vein.  It hurt, a lot, and bruised instantly.  Yuck.  No IV tonight, and the nursing company has a policy that they're only allowed to try 3 times.

So my regular nurse stopped by the next day, to also try.  Three times, ending with another popped vein.  Although, it didn't bruise or swell as badly as the other arm did... (Silver Lining!)

So, no IV's for me...

Finally, Everyone Knows

20 weeks, and officially we've gone public.

Of course, we received dozens and dozens of well wishes.  There were a few people who seemed slightly hurt that we hadn't shared the news sooner, given my condition.  Many people questioned how they hadn't realized that I was with child... and all I could say was due to my condition I was in hiding.

It seems like most people are more excited than others.  Mainly, the people who don't know anything about my condition.  A few have even offered to prepare meals for us.

For Thanksgiving, my kids and I went to my parents house, 2 hours away.  Steve had to work, so I was on my own.  I was nervous to drive myself, and my dad refused it.  So my brother drove.  In the car he mentioned that he looked up my condition online, and proclaimed I'm the unluckiest mom in the world. I think it clicked with my family how serious my condition is.

While Steve was working on Black Friday, I slept.  I browsed for some Christmas gift ideas, but I'm really not feeling it.  I have no energy.  No desire to purchase and wrap gifts.  I don't want to decorate.  Is that bad?  Steve loves Christmas shopping, and usually goes overboard...

All I can think about is rest, staying healthy and getting ready for baby.

According to my What To Expect app, the baby is roughly the size of a banana.  And now, the baby will be starting to "taste" the food that I eat.  I'm not eating much, yet though.  Still having my shakes at breakfast, then a small dinner (my kids eat more that I do).  Still not drinking enough, maybe 20 - 30 ounces a day.  Doc may put me back on IV's by the end of the week.

 Frequent dizzy spells, lots of nausea, and frequent heartburn are my life right now.  I mean, I had heartburn with my other kids - and yes, they were born with full heads of hair.  Heartburn is awful.  I have Tums all over the place: my bedroom, my kitchen, my car, my purse, my office.

Add that to my long list of pills that I take daily...

And POTS Returns

19 weeks

Had a bit of energy this week... I decided to try to make dinner myself.

BIG MISTAKE!

While attempting to put a pot of taco meat on the table to make tacos for the kids, the room started spinning.  I had enough time to get the pot on the table and get into the living room before things went dark.  

I don't know how long I was out, only a few minutes I think.  But I stayed on the floor for a while, with my feet up.  Suddenly baby was moving frantically.  I was so scared.  Thankfully my nurse was on her way.  My blood pressure was 85/55, heartbeat slightly irregular.  Definitely a NCS/POTS episode.  I hadn't had one in months, and this was the worst.  I had to take antibiotics when I got the blood clot a few weeks ago, and from what friends and doctors told me, antibiotics can mess up the system, even weeks later… yay.  

Kate told me to take it easy for the next day or so, since I'd be seeing the doctor that week.  She gave me my 3rd shot - she was right, one hip hurts more than the other!

At my appointment, I was informed that I'd probably have to go back on the IV.  Probably not long term, not yet at least.  But enough to get me rehydrated.  

I'd gained 1 pound at my appointment, a good sign.  But liquids are still a big issue, and I'm still getting sick daily.  With Thanksgiving this week, I really just want to rest and enjoy time with my family... maybe some time at Mom & Dad's will get me back on my feet.  

First image

18 weeks, still getting sick.

I was scheduled for our mid-pregnancy ultrasound, but it had to be rescheduled due to illness.

My husband and I didn't want to wait.  We wanted to make our announcement, we wanted a picture to show everyone. But most of all, we wanted to make sure baby was ok.

We already knew a few people expecting and due around the same time as we are (April 2014) had made their announcements early on in their pregnancy.  We hadn't wanted to steal anyone's thunder, but we wanted our moment too.

So on November 22, we went and had 3D/4D ultrasounds done at My Little Me.  For $70, we were really hoping for some great pictures.  However, baby kinda had other plans.  We were able to get a few cute shots, but baby was breach.  Feet right by the face for most of the session, sitting at a weird angle.  We got one cute one, though.  Not sure which sibling the new baby looks like...

Samantha, 2005

Emmalee, 2006

Steven, 2008

Baby #4

It was an emotional moment, watching our son/daughter moving around, kicking it's feet, even waving at us.  It creeped the kids out a bit, they didn't quite understand how we could see inside mommy's tummy.  But there is the newest member of our family.  Even if I'm sick everyday until the day the baby is born, as long as he/she is ok, it will all be worth it.

At 19 weeks, my official ultrasound was rescheduled.  Baby still breach.  It was hard to get measurements, but we estimate around 8oz in weight.  Couldn't really get a length.  Again, baby was active, but this time it was harder to watch.  It was like there wasn't enough room for him/her.  More waving, lots of hiccups.  Even a yawn.  We aren't planning on finding out the gender.  Even if we wanted to, however, the baby didn't cooperate.  Oh well, Steve wins this time.

Thumbs Up

Big Yawn!

Shots Shots Shots!

Week 17 AKA:  my worst week yet.

Now that I'm not getting fluids through the IV, I really needed to try drinking more.  On a good day, I might get 20 oz in.  But I really needed 40-60 at least!  The Zofran helped me from getting really sick, but didn't prevent the nausea.  The problem with it, while I could take 8mg every 8 hours, it really only gave me relief for 3 to 4 hours before it faded away.  It made for some unpleasant days at work.  The last thing I wanted was for anyone else to have to be around me when I was getting sick.

The doctor has tried to get me a prescription for Diclegis, but the insurance wouldn't cover it.  They had some samples to give me, hoping that the insurance will cover it now, since we've exhausted every other option.  It took a few days, but they finally approved.

Because my 3 other children were born 2.5, 3.5 and 5.5 weeks early, the odds of baby #4 being early were pretty good.  With my son spending 10 days in the NICU, and then 2 months on an apnea monitor, I wanted to be sure to do whatever I could do to prevent another premie.

So to be proactive with this pregnancy, my doctor ordered me P17 (progesterone) weekly injections.  Yup, shots.  Every week.  For 18-20 weeks.  In the hip.  Every week.  And the medication is thick.  And it hurts.  Every week.  For the entire week until it's time for the next one.  Granted, everyone has different pain tolerances, and my new nurse Kate said some patients say one side hurts more than the other.  But it is not pleasant.  However, the alternatives are worse, so I'll stick with my shots.

Aside from the pain the first few days after the initial injection, I noticed my nausea wasn't as uncomfortable.  I wasn't getting sick at the thought of food, so I began to eat more.  Beverages were still a different story, but I was actually able to chew food for the first time since before I found out I was pregnant.  No more over-cooked pasta and mashed potatoes!

I wasn't really sure if it was the shots or the Diclegis, so I tested it out by skipping the pills.  Bad idea.  The combination of the progesterone, Diclegis, and my Zofran all were working together.  Take anything out of the equation and I'd be asking for it!  So, now I know.

I feel really thirsty though.  I tried to drink, not just sipping like I had be, but properly drink a small glass of water.  Bad idea.  I tried juice, it stayed down, but I felt "swishy."  From what I'm reading in a few support sites, many moms dealing with HG can't tolerate plain water...  I wonder why that is...

Off the IV

Week 16 brought a few more firsts for us.

Steve was able to feel the baby for the first time... it was an encouragement for him to know that the baby was ok.  We still haven't made the pregnancy "Facebook Official" yet, in fact, only a handful of people know about the pregnancy at this point.  But that moment resonated with Steve, and he even posted "Felt something magical last night" on Facebook.  Call it hormones, but it choked me up when I saw that.

I began eating a bit more.  Soft, bland foods, still, but I was eating.  Scrambled eggs for breakfast, pasta for dinner.

This week, after church on Sunday, while my husband was at work I took the kids to lunch at Salsaritas (Gotta love Kids Eat Free days!).  I actually had a bit of energy to drive there, but the line was super long, and I regretted it.  But standing in line, a lady with a small child in a sling came up behind me, and said "Sorry you've got the PICC Line.  I had it too."  While waiting to order, we chatted.  She had to have her IV for the entire pregnancy.  After a few months, her doctor let her unhook at night.  She told me that she too had trouble with people not understanding the symptoms.  It was encouraging for me to see that she had a healthy baby after all that stress that she'd been through.

Again: Let me break it down for you.  Have you ever had a stomach flu? or food poisoning?  It took a lot out of you, right?  You felt like you spent all day in the bathroom, right?  And the last thing you wanted was to eat or drink something, in fear of it coming back up.  But the relief you felt knowing that it's only going to last a few days...  Yea, imagine all that, except you don't know when it's going to stop.  That's HG.

Oddly enough, my nurse was off that week for my weekly dressing change, but her nurse was filling in.  She was also sharing with me some of the issues she's seen with her patients. Again, it was really nice to know I wasn't alone.

This week when my PICC Line dressing was changed, something felt off.  Usually, it doesn't hurt, but later that day, I started feeling some pain.  I texted my regular nurse, and she came over the next night.  My arm (which is measured weekly) had swollen over the 24 hours from the dressing change.  And was very warm to the touch.  She sent me to the ER.

After 3 hours of waiting, blood tests and an ultrasound of my arm, I got my diagnosis.  Blood Clot!  Yay.  So my PICC Line had to come out.  I had 10 days of antibiotics to take, plus heating pads to the swollen arm, but no IV, no fluids.

As annoyed as the bag made me at times, I needed it.  At least I knew that on my worst days, that baby was getting what it needed.  Now, I don't have that comfort.

The days following the IV coming out were some of the worst.  My nurse told me that many HG moms start to feel relief after week 16, but that week, it didn't seem I was going to be one of those moms.

Firsts for the kids

14 weeks...

Yuppers... welcome to week 4 on the IV!

It's gone from an annoyance to just a part of life.

At this point, all our immediate families know... We were timid about it, not really sure how everyone would handle it.  Especially the IV situation.

The kids had a day off school, and I happened to schedule my 14 week appointment for that day.  So my husband and I brought the kids with us to hear the baby's heartbeat.

Usually, my doctor is pretty steady with getting their patients in.  I arrived, checked in, gave my urine sample like every visit, and waited.  And waited.  And waited.  It was 90 minutes before I was called in to the examine room.  My weight went up, but it was all water weight from the last 90 minutes of just sitting.  We checked again after a potty break - only a 2 lb increase from my last visit.  Still under my pre-pregnancy weight.  Yay.  :-(

It was such a great moment for my husband and I to hear that baby's heartbeat, knowing that baby is ok.  And it was great for our kids to hear it too.  We hadn't really come right out and told our 5 year old son that I was pregnant, but we'd been prepping him.  After the heartbeat was echoing in the room, we told him.  The most priceless moment was him saying "I want a baby brother."  It didn't even seem to bother him that he wasn't going to be the baby any more.

I began to feel movements around 15 weeks.  It was subtle, but as it is the 4th time around, I knew what  to be "looking" for.  I know my kids were eager to feel the baby, and would say that they could feel it, but I wasn't quite sure that they did.  Either way, they developed a connection to the baby.

Lonely

Week 13...

The only places I've gone in the last few weeks have been work and the doctor's office.

I miss people.

Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and kids, but I use to go to networking events a few times a month.  I use to go walk around the mall just because.  I use to have nights out with friends. 

One week before the PICC line was put in we had a game night with friends from work.  It was nice.  The kids were well behaved, we got to enjoy some laughs and I didn't get sick until we got home!  (However the next day wasn't as kind...)  

I haven't been to church in weeks... my kids really miss it, too.  Steve has been training at his new job, so he hasn't been able to take them.  Does anyone even notice that we're not there?   

We haven't made our "Facebook Official" post yet, so I can't vent publicly.  But I'm so lonely.  Part of me wants to ask my husband to take a day off with me and send the kids with a baby sitter, and just spend the day with me, no responsibilities.  But he needs to work, we need to save up for my maternity leave.  

I've been invited to a few "direct sales" parties.  But I don't want to have to bring my stupid backpack with me, and then deal with the fear of getting sick at my friends house.  

Hormones are a pain, too.  It doesn't help feeling lonely because of the isolation that the condition forces you into, to then be overly emotional while it's happening.  Really, does anyone notice that I've been hiding?  Does anyone care?

Kids' last soccer practices… one of the few times I left the house

Water Weight & Extreme Fatigue

12 Weeks...

We were really hoping to only have the IV for a couple of weeks.

After 2 weeks, there was no way Bridget was going to let me off them.  I was still getting sick several times a day.

I began to eat one small meal a day, in addition to my Herbalife Monster Cookie Shake at New-Trition for breakfast: Mashed potatoes.  And not even made from russet or yukon golds... no powdered dehydrated mashed potatoes.  Seriously.  And I became kind of 'brand specific".  Idahoan, to be specific.  They were the only brand that tasted 'good' and would actually stay in my belly.

Life with an IV isn't pleasant.  You have this thing in your arm, all day every day.  And you get this backpack.  It's not attractive, so you can't really pass it off as anything but what it is.  And it's heavy!  The 4L bag weighed about 20 lbs, and after 2 weeks I was decreased to 3L, in hopes I would feel the need to drink more.  The 3L bag weighs about 15 lbs.  And you have to carry it with you wherever you go!

I adjusted my schedule so I changed the IV at night, so it wouldn't be as heavy during the day.   But here's the thing about having 3L of fluids pumped in your system everyday: in addition to the trips to the ladies room to get sick, you have to empty your bladder a dozen times a day too.  Imagine getting up at 3AM to go potty, and having to carry a 15 lb backpack with you... seriously.  Try it sometime you have to get up in the middle of the night - carry two 8 lb bowling balls in a bag and then tell me "It's no big deal."

The fluids helped me make sure the baby was OK, but there was still plenty of fear and doubt that baby was OK.  Then there's the guilt about taking care of the rest of your family.  I was so sick that I had no strength to do anything.  Making dinner was hard for me to do.  I was thankful for my husband, and the care that he gave me, us.  But there were nights that he'd work late, and I'd be on my own to make dinner.  It was hard.  There were plenty of nights where all they had were PB&J and fruit.

I was so thankful for our friend Jenn making us dinner.  Though I wasn't able to eat it, my kids did.  And there was plenty for dinner the next night, too.  We hadn't even asked for help, she just went out of her way to help us out.  We are so thankful.

One thing that I'd encourage any mom dealing with HG to do, is not be afraid to ask for help, and don't be embarrassed when it's offered.  You are growing a person!  And you will occasionally need help.  So if someone offers, accept.

IV Drama

11 weeks

I don't know about you, but I hate blood.

Having 3 kids, I've seen my fair share of cuts and scrapes.   But truly seeing your own blood....  ugh.

I just wanted to take a shower... I couldn't take a shower with my IV backpack, so I had to unhook from the IV.  But I twisted off the wrong part of the catheter on accident, and suddenly there was blood.  It was extremely nauseating.

Thankfully my husband works in the medical field and able to clean my line and help me hook back up.  But I was getting sick while he was helping me clean it up.  So embarrassing.

My nurse was due later that day, she added an extender piece, which the hospital had not added, which is why I was able to twist off the wrong piece.  The extender would be easier for me to unhook for showers, but made to IV's line really long.  I found myself getting it caught on things, tripping over it.  It wasn't until a few days later that I learned how to shorten it.

Another issue was priming the bag/tubes.  The pump itself could prime it, but you had to hold the button on the machine for 15 minutes...  then my nurse learned a trick - put it up and prime it manually. HOWEVER... the bag is heavy, and to hook it on to the temporary IV stand was hard to do alone.  And the stand was very wobbly.

If anyone knows an easier way to prime the line, let me know!

Bring on the Fluids!

I rescheduled my 12 week appointment for week 10, the end of September.  I'd lost 3 lbs in the 2 weeks since I'd been there.  My blood pressure, due to the NCS/POTS has always been very low, but it was really low at this visit.

On a plus side, I heard the baby's heartbeat.  Only one - everyone that we'd told at this point assumed that I must be carrying twins, and that was causing my sickness.

Doctor gave me a perspiration for Phenergan, but said it was not something to take unless I was home and not needing to go anywhere for a while.  My doctor told me to not worry about eating, my appetite would come in due time.  But I needed to get fluids in me; at least 60 oz.   I was told, if things didn't improve by the end of the week, I'd be put on IV fluids.  That scared me.

So I went home, took the Phenergan.  No joke, I was asleep on the couch in 20 minutes, and slept for 4 hours.  I woke up to get sick.

So the end of the week came, and things didn't improve.  In fact, they were getting worse.  I couldn't keep down any fluids, and the though of eating anything made me sick, so I didn't even bother.


I guess if you've never experienced morning sickness that's lasted more than a week or 2, you might not get it.  And if you're a guy, you have NO IDEA at all what it feels like.

Let me break it down for you.  Have you ever had a stomach flu? or food poisoning?  It took a lot out of you, right?  You felt like you spent all day in the bathroom, right?  And the last thing you wanted was to eat or drink something, in fear of it coming back up.  But the relief you felt knowing that it's only going to last a few days...  Yea, imagine all that, except you don't know when it's going to stop.  That's HG.


I made the call on Friday, and at 1:30 I found myself in the Intervention Radiology department, having a PICC Line put in.  They numbed my arm well enough, but the procedure itself was fairly long, and awkward.  The Nurse was being observed, as he was being introduced to a brand new "kit" that had it's own procedures.  They were carrying on a conversation while he put 45cm catheter in my arm and chest.

My arm was so sore, I wanted to put a heating pad on it, but that was a no-no.  And taking a normal shower?  Not going to happen with that thing on my arm.  I'd have to wrap my arm with plastic wrap every time I wanted to take a shower.

The next morning I received my delivery of 7 days of 4000ml of Fluids, and met my nurse Bridget.  She was great, and it was nice to know that she'd seen many patients with similar symptoms, and were fine after a few weeks.  She was upset because the nutrients that were ordered for me were not delivered... in fact, there was a nation-wide back order.  I supposed that since I was getting the fluids, that was the most important part.

But I felt so guilty:  I couldn't take my prenatal vitamins, I couldn't eat.  Was my baby really ok?