How to Behave Around A Pregnant Woman Part 3

Sometimes people have a hard time reading others, so often times ask the wrong questions without knowing that it's inappropriate or an uncomfortable topic.  Others, just don't care...

Now again, this is just my opinion, with input from some friends, but I think most pregnant women would agree.  Here is part 3 of my list.



Don't Ask  "Are you going to quit your job?"  Wow, so just because I'm a mom I can't work?  I was a stay at home mom for a couple of years, and it was ok... I loved being home with my kids, but didn't have any other stay at home mom friends at the time, so I was lonely.   Stay at home moms need adult conversation, which they don't often get.  Since I wasn't outgoing, making new friends was hard.  When I went to work part time I was able to be a mom, but also help support my family and feel like a productive adult at the same time.

Don't Ask "Is this your last?"  Why is it any of your business?  I'm very proud of how my 3 children are maturing and developing, and I welcome the challenge of adding 1 more child to our family.

Don't judge a woman's birth plan.  If I could have all natural home births, I probably would try it.  But my pregnancies have each had their complications that I feel safest in a hospital.  What works for one mom doesn't not necessarily work for the next.  If she wants an epidural, she's getting an epidural.  If she doesn't, she doesn't.  If she's having a scheduled C-Section, or being induced, there are reasons for it.  If you can't say anything nice or encouraging, don't say anything at all.

Don't Ask "Are you going to breast feed?"  I cringe when I hear that question, especially around guys.   Can't you use the term "nurse the baby" instead?  But again, that's a women's choice.  And nursing a baby can be really difficult!  I wasn't able to nurse my daughters for more than a couple of months.  I was given extra resources when my son was in the NICU, which really helped me be able to nurse for 9 months.  But seriously, I'm the mother, the baby will be fed in a manner that works for me, and for him/her.

Check out Part 1 and Part 2 of my list

Does my baby make me look fat?

24 weeks pregnant

I'm a whopping 5 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight!  I'm so proud of myself.

Baby likes to sit high (a girl, perhaps?), right under my diaphragm, for most of the day.  Which makes baby's hiccups all the worse.

I'm not one for selfies, but I was feeling exceptionally good about myself one day.  My hair fell nicely, and hubby and I were finally getting a date night, so I tried looking extra cute.  And so I posted a picture of myself.

20 weeks, barely any bump

24 weeks, notice how high the bump is? 

I've been pretty open about the difficulties in my pregnancy since we went public, so at this point, it's known that I lost close to 10 pounds before I started gaining it back a few weeks ago.  All my weight is baby, and as a petite person I'm going to look a bit more pronounced around the middle.  In the month between the 2 pictures, I had finally regained the last of the weight lost, and had actually gained 5 pounds.

But as I started going out and about, I actually started getting a lot of comments like "are you sure you're just 24 weeks?" and "are you sure there's just one baby in there?"  (If you haven't taken time to ready my list of pregnant women do's and don'ts, check out part 1 and part 2 here.)

I'm not usually a person who wakes up and says "wow, that was a weird dream."  I leave that to my husband who has the strangest dreams.  But early in my pregnancy, I woke up from a nightmare, in which we went to our scheduled ultrasound and found that while we'd only heard one heartbeat, there had been two babies.  I couldn't shake that dream for WEEKS, still almost 2 months later when I think about it it makes me so sad.

I don't know… all women have issues with vanity.  When we're pregnant we're suppose to gain weight, and unfortunately need to prepare ourselves for these comments.  But why do other people, especially women, have to make such bold and tasteless comments - to our faces.

I want to believe that it's not intentional; that they're not trying to be hurtful.  But as a woman going through HG, I don't want to be told I look fat, I want to be told I look healthy.  I don't mind the comments of people saying, "you've finally got some color on your cheeks" or "you don't look all skin and bones."  I mean, find a different way to say it, you know?  Like "baby looks like it's growing," instead of "wow, got a watermelon under your shirt?"

How To Behave Around A Pregnant Woman, Part 2

As stated in a previous post, people now need baby-step by baby-step instructions for everyday interactions.  Especially around pregnant women.Now again, this is just my opinion, with input from some friends, but I think most pregnant women would agree.  Here is part 2 of my list.

Having a baby bump does NOT give you permission to rub my belly.  I know I mentioned this last post, but here are a few other reasons...

4.  Babies in the womb are asleep 20 out of 24 hours a day... so you're probably just feeling my belly

5.  Germs.  I don't know where you've been, and you don't know what my other kids have sneezed and coughed all over my mid-section.  Stay healthy, keep your hands to yourself.  It's a nasty cold/flu season right now… I CAN'T get sick!

If you see a pregnant woman trying to dig her car out of the snow, help her.  I mean, common courtesy should dictate that if you see ANYONE stuck in the snow, you should help.  And a husband SHOULD have already dug his pregnant wife's car out, and made sure the driveway was clear for her. But in the case that the snowplows pack 18 inches of snow at the end of a driveway, help a girl out!

If you see a pregnant woman walking quickly in the general direction of a bathroom, don't try to stop her for a conversation.  I mean, common sense, if anyone is rushing to a bathroom, let them be.  But if you see a pregnant woman walking rather quickly, she's either about to be sick or just got kicked in the bladder and really can't stop to chit-chat.

Don't ask "Are you sure it's just 1 baby in there?"  The average woman should gain about 30lbs when they are pregnant.  Some "pop" earlier than others; sometimes the baby rests a certain way and for that moment Mommy looks bigger than she did 15 minutes earlier.  Especially if the mom has posted pictures of her 1 beautiful baby's ultrasound, don't ask if we're sure we're not expecting 2....  Women are vain (sorry, it's true), and Mommyrexia is unfortunately a growing trend.  Help the mommy-to-be's that you know to feel comfortable in their ever changing body: watch your words.

Is A Baby Shower OK For Baby #4?

Going in to this pregnancy, we'd gotten rid of just about everything.

We have some outfits for each of the kids, our favorites, and the ones not ruined by spit-up. 

Any toys we'd gotten rid of because of concerns for the chemicals in the plastic.  

We don't have a crib anymore, and the old baby carseat is long since expired.  

High chair had it's last meal a few years ago...

http://www.toysrus.com/registry/
Registry #: 52002962

So now here we are, expecting another baby.

We've had several friends ask us if we were going to have a baby shower... and several people tell me that if I'm thinking about having one, to not.

So I don't know.... The last baby shower I had was for Samantha, almost 9 years ago.

Anyone who knows me, knows I love to have a party; why not have one for just the baby.  I mean, we still have a few clothes, and I've been slowly stocking up on diapers (very slowly).

I mean, a diaper party isn't too unreasonable, is it?  Or a casserole party?  I mean, I'm having a hard enough time feeding my family with my being so sick, what's it going to be like once the baby's here?  Plenty of people have asked if they could help, and we've accepted, but then it slipped their mind or life happened…

http://www.toysrus.com/registry/
Registry #: 52002962 

Hubby and I had a few evenings to ourselves while the kids were visiting my parents, so we went and did a baby registry.  Not really planning to have a shower; it was more to see all the things that we didn't have… it's  a long list.   We did sign up for the Babies R Us V.I.B. (Very Important Baby) program - where was this when my other kids were little?  Friends and family can contribute to a gift card, that can be used for diapers, formula and baby food, and then Toys 'R' Us adds an additional 5%.

So that is the question: to have baby shower or to not have a baby shower…?  This the the response I got from a 30+ mom group on WhatToExpect.com.  Still not sure what to do...

How to Behave Around A Pregnant Woman Part 1

"Common Sense Isn't Common Anymore" is a phrase that I hear and use almost daily.  What use to make perfect sense to everyone to do or not do is not the case anymore.  People now need baby-step by baby-step instructions for everyday interactions.

Especially around pregnant women.

Now, this is just my opinion, with input from some friends, but I think most pregnant women would agree.  Here is the start of my list


Having a baby bump does NOT give you permission to rub my belly.  I mean I could go on and on, make this whole post about it but here are a few of the big reasons

1. Personal Space.  I get it, some people are just touchy-feely and will find any excuse to hug your or whatever.  But you wouldn't want me rubbing your non-baby belly, so why should you rub my belly.  
2. Maternal instincts.  We are growing a little human in our wombs.  That is my child.  Don't touch my child.
3. Sensitive Skin.  Did you know that some women actually experience sunburn like symptoms on their bellies due to the stretching.  Yea, it hurts. Don't touch.

Don't Call A Pregnant Woman "huge".  We're women.  We can be vain.  We are suppose to gain about 30lbs in a pregnancy.  We develop swelling in random places, carry water weight and have a hard time maneuvering with our protruding bellies.  We already feel huge, you don't need to point it out. And husbands, calling your wife fatty or even "phatty" is NEVER acceptable.

Don't Ask "Is this your first?"  Such an uncomfortable question for so many women.  There are those who have had many miscarriages, or lost a child, that the question is just hard to answer, and it is hard for the other person to hear the answer.

Then there are those who have multiple children, and people give really weird looks when you say "It's my 4th," like you're some kind of side show freak.  I hate when someone responds with "Ever hear of birth control," or even more inappropriate "Ever think of saying no."

Children are miracles from God, a blessing to their families.  Whether in our arms or in our hearts, every baby is precious.

Are you still sick?  Have you tried ____?" If you have HG like me, the answer is always yes.  And sometimes that's hard for people to understand.  And then they list off things that they tried to deal with their morning sickness.  When you've been dealing with it for 20+ weeks, don't you think a women would spend hours online looking up home remedies and old wives tales and try them all, just to feel better?  You really think telling me to drink Ginger Ale at 22 weeks is going to make me say "Oh gee, why didn't I think of that?"

Don't offer to help if you're not going to help.  If you offer to make a pregnant women or new mom a few meals, or to come help with chores, or to watch the kids so she can sleep, and she accepts - DO IT.  If you're not going to follow through, DON'T OFFER.  And, if she doesn't accept - DO IT ANYWAY.  Call and say "I made an extra dish of lasagna for dinner, can I bring it over to you?"  As a mom of 3 with Hyperemesis, and a husband who works 50+ hours a week, making dinner and household chores are hard to get done.

Veggie Lasagna... takes 5 minutes to put together.
Make one for someone!

So that is the start of my list, there is plenty more where that came from...