Can I Really Handle This?

35 Weeks

I went to my doctor on Thursday las week, and was 3, "maybe 4" centimeters dilated.  She told me that she was on call Monday and the following Sunday, and if I went in, she'd probably be able to help move things along.

Well, she didn't.

I went through the weekend, expecting things to be progressing.  I walked as much as I could, drank my Raspberry Leaf tea as often as I could.  Got my maternity leave stuff done for work.

I wanted to go in on Sunday, but decided to wait.

Monday morning, I said goodbye to the kids as they got on the bus, they were excited to think that they'd be able to give me "proper hugs" soon.

Hubby and I went walking around the mall for a bit, just to really get things going.  Of course I was already contracting, but I wanted to be sure baby was really ready to come out.  I think we were annoying some of the regular walkers, because of the frequent stops I was making.  Sorry.

I was still at 3cm, but could be "stretched" to 4cm (sorry, TMI).  She let me walk around for an hour, hoping it would make a difference.  We walked around the first floor for I don't know how long, stopping every other minute.  Surprisingly, we were only asked one time if we were OK and if I needed a wheel chair.  We kindly told the doctor, no, I need to walk.  Did she not see my belly?

When we got back to my bed, the contractions were crazy.  I mean, crazy.  Resting point 0, maxing out at 127 (whatever that means) and lasting about 90 seconds, every 2 minutes.  According to the nurse, that's what she sees when a woman is ready to push.  And when my doctor checked me… no change.  I was crying in pain.  She could see on my face that sending me home like that was not going to happen.  So she admitted me.

I think she was really hoping that something was going to happen that afternoon.  I wonder if that's why she sent a resident to check me, because in the past they'd incorrectly stated that I was more dilated than I really was, so she could in fact move things along…

Thankfully the Nubain helped a bit, but boy these contractions hurt.  My back hurt, my front hurt, everything hurt.   After 3 doses, the contractions started to become irregular.  Didn't go away, didn't become less intense, but spacing out more.

When the doctor came in to check me in the morning, there had been no change, so I was discharged.  I started to bawl my eyes out.  How the heck am I suppose to go another month like this?  It's to a point where I can't concentrate on ANYTHING.  Watching TV, listening to music, helping my kids with homework, folding laundry… Nothing distracts me, and in everything I do I need a "break" every couple of minutes.  I mean, even writing this, I've been working on it for over an hour.

At this point, our biggest fear is when everything really starts, it will happen so fast that I can't get to the hospital in time.

When Will It Stop?

31 weeks

Baby's room is in the works.  We were given a gorgeous crib, and the baby's room has been painted.  Steve's going to start working on the Winnie The Pooh mural soon, like he did Transformers for Steven.  I think he needs to repaint the girls' room and put a mural in there too… hint hint!

My weekly shots are on Tuesdays, and it ended up being a snow day for the kids this week (again).  Steve also happened to be off, and I was working from home anyway, so it was rather peaceful.  Until around 4pm.  That's when the contractions started.  I wasn't due for another Procardia until 5:30, but boy these were getting bad.  I tried to eat dinner, knowing my nurse was on her way.

I took my pill and laid down on the couch and waiting.  And I started timing them.  I've tried a few contraction timer apps, I've found that Contraction Timer by iBirth  is fairly easy to use (though there's still opportunity for user error/double tapping that screws up the averages).  I love that it also has the history saved.  

Kate arrived, and I was still in pain.  Steve answered the door and gave her an update.  She was really concerned.  She went through her assessment, gave me my shot, and sat and observed me for a few minutes.  What concerned her the most was that the contractions, which usually had only been upper-to-middle belly, were painful a bit lower and in the back.   She told Steve that if this continues for another hour, to take me in.  

After about 45 minutes, Steve called the doctor on call.  I would have just gone in, but I kinda wanted to know who was on duty that night… and it was the doctor from last Sunday.  She remembered me, and told my husband that unless my water breaks, because the fetal fibernecton was negative, I'm not in labor and to just stay home.  I. Was. Not. Happy.  But at the same time, I didn't want to deal with her. 

I stayed up watching Doctor Who all night.  The pain level of the contractions went down to a more "manageable" level, but the frequency was still there.  I don't think I slept at all that night.  And the contractions continued throughout the day.  I was taking my Procardia every 4 hours, on the dot, but it wasn't enough.  After about 2 hours the intensity increased.  

I called my doctor, she squeezed me in for another fetal fibernecton.  I told her about my phone call last night, and she apologized.  She said sometime the other doctors just aren't on the same page about patients, and the treatments get messed up.  She told me, and put in my file, that if I go back in again (and she can't be reached) to make sure I get another steroid shot.  She also told me I could increase the Procardia to every 3 hours for the next day or so.  

The test, thankfully, came back negative again.  But she said that there is alway a chance that something can change, and while the test is 'good' for 2 weeks, by my visit next Wednesday we could find that my cervix is thinning again and well… At least I'll be at 32 weeks.

3 Day Hospital Stay

26 Weeks, still

During my hospital stay, they injected me with Terbutaline.  I'd had it before, but with my POTS, boy that sucked.  Dizziness, and a hyper baby, made for an interesting evening.  The nurses came in to my room every 20 minutes to adjust the monitors for baby's heart rate.  They told me to sleep, but how in the world is a person suppose to sleep if they're being disturbed every 20 minutes.  According to my Jawbone UP, I got 2 hours of sleep that night - 0 hours of deep sleep.

I was prescribed 3 days of Procardia, 4 times a day.  It was suppose to help relax everything.  I was also given 2 doses of a Steroid injection, to help baby's lungs develop.

Saturday I met with a Doctor from the NICU, to give us information about if I were to deliver in the next 2 weeks.  She arrive initially when I was alone, and the minute she walked in the room and introduced herself, I started to cry.  I couldn't handle this, not yet.  I asked if she could come back, when Steve arrived.  She agreed.  So when he did come visit me, I had the nurse call her back.  According to the hospital statistics, babes born at 25 weeks have an 89% survival rating, most of them going on to live normal healthy lives.  They stay until their due dates, sometimes longer.  But if I could make it to 26 weeks, the rate goes up to 93%, and higher each week after that, with less NICU time.  I know families with Micro-premies, I've seen the good and the bad.  I was scared.  She tried to reassure us, if we could get baby to at least 32 weeks, with 1 more dose of the steroid shot, we'd have a perfectly healthy baby boy or girl coming home with us, with no more than a 2 week NICU stay.  Of course, 34 weeks and on is better.

By Sunday morning, the contractions had almost dissipated, only a few here an there, mostly when baby was really active.  I met with the Fetal Monitoring Specialist.  He was a ton of fun (sarcasm).  Again, this was something I needed my husband there for.  Thankfully my nurse was in the room with me for support.  It's not his job to sugar coat anything, I need to know the risks.  But goodness, is it MY FAULT that I had hyperemesis from day 1?  Do you really think a woman choses to feel like crap, puking 15+ times a day, not being able to eat or drink anything for months, and have to walk around with 4L of IV fluids for weeks?  Oh, and the blot clot causing the PICC line to need to be removed was absolutely preventable…. Yeah, totally my fault.  Then he gave me a hard time about not getting genetic testing done.  We didn't get it with the other 3, so why would I do it this time?  Why add the stress of a possible positive test (which doesn't mean anything's wrong, just that they're a chance).  He actually tried to get me to do the test that day.  We said no.  (Side Note:  I'm sure he's a well respected doctor and know what he's doing, but his bedside manner was atrocious.)

They needed to keep me for 24 more hours, to complete my procardia doses, and to observe baby for 24 hours after my steroid injection.  I also had to wait for ultrasound.

I was looking forward to this ultrasound.  Hoping that we could get some proper measurements of the baby, since we really couldn't at my office visit a couple of months ago.  Baby was finally cooperating. He/she was about 10 inches long, 1Lb and14oz.  Strong heart beat, active, tons of hiccups (which everyone said is REALLY GOOD).  Baby's adjusted due date: April 15.  Got some great facial pictures: his/her hand by it's face, and a couple of 3D images of it's face.

Deep in Though

Frowny Face

I even found out what we were having.  Steve told me I could, but I have to keep it to myself.  I told him I needed to know who I was praying for, not just baby, but by it's name.  My secret, but I'm so glad to know.

I was discharged after I got back to my room.  I wasn't  put on strict bed rest, but told I needed to remain as sedentary as possible.  I needed to eliminate all stress (did I mention I already have 3 kids?) and rest as much as I can.  The Fetal Monitoring specialist came to see me again before I left (yay).  Both he (and the NICU doctor, and my nurses, and every OB I saw this weekend) told me to ask for as much help as possible.  Get someone to bring us food, run errands, watch the kids so I can nap.  I hate asking for help, because the last time we did, no one helped...

Dr. S. said he expects to see me again in 6 weeks.  Not for an appointment, but because he doesn't think I'll make it that far.  Pastor and his wife prayed over us, spoke the Word for an April baby.  I have faith in that, but as long as baby comes after March 4, I know he/she will be OK.  

Don't Pray For Me...

...Pray for us.

There is nothing more discouraging than seeing the reaction on someone's face when they've asked "So you're all better now, right?" and I respond "Not really" or "everyday is different."

I mean, I know everyone wants me to be better. So do I.  Don't you think I pray for healing, too?  But I've come to accept this condition, and the plans that God may have for me and the baby.

I appreciate the prayers for healing, but what I really ask of my prayer warrior friends, is to pray for us.

Hyperemesis patients have a history of late term miscarriages and preterm delivery.  With all 3 of my kids being born 2, 3 and 5 weeks early, the chances of another pre-term delivery were pretty high.  But I'm doing everything medically possible to prevent this, and of course we are in constant prayer.

So while I welcome and encourage the prayers of others for my healing from HG, I really encourage and ask that you pray for us:

Pray that the baby gets the nutrients that he/she needs to grow, and that I get the nutrients and fluids to provide for the baby.  

Pray for the Grace and understanding, and especially patience for those around me; particularly my kids who aren't getting as much Mommy time as I know they'd like.

Pray for my husband, the provider and caregiver for our family, that he feels peace through this stressful time. 

Pray for my doctors and nurses, as they continue helping me through this pregnancy.

Pray for people who want to step up and help, to not be afraid to help.

Finally, Everyone Knows

20 weeks, and officially we've gone public.

Of course, we received dozens and dozens of well wishes.  There were a few people who seemed slightly hurt that we hadn't shared the news sooner, given my condition.  Many people questioned how they hadn't realized that I was with child... and all I could say was due to my condition I was in hiding.

It seems like most people are more excited than others.  Mainly, the people who don't know anything about my condition.  A few have even offered to prepare meals for us.

For Thanksgiving, my kids and I went to my parents house, 2 hours away.  Steve had to work, so I was on my own.  I was nervous to drive myself, and my dad refused it.  So my brother drove.  In the car he mentioned that he looked up my condition online, and proclaimed I'm the unluckiest mom in the world. I think it clicked with my family how serious my condition is.

While Steve was working on Black Friday, I slept.  I browsed for some Christmas gift ideas, but I'm really not feeling it.  I have no energy.  No desire to purchase and wrap gifts.  I don't want to decorate.  Is that bad?  Steve loves Christmas shopping, and usually goes overboard...

All I can think about is rest, staying healthy and getting ready for baby.

According to my What To Expect app, the baby is roughly the size of a banana.  And now, the baby will be starting to "taste" the food that I eat.  I'm not eating much, yet though.  Still having my shakes at breakfast, then a small dinner (my kids eat more that I do).  Still not drinking enough, maybe 20 - 30 ounces a day.  Doc may put me back on IV's by the end of the week.

 Frequent dizzy spells, lots of nausea, and frequent heartburn are my life right now.  I mean, I had heartburn with my other kids - and yes, they were born with full heads of hair.  Heartburn is awful.  I have Tums all over the place: my bedroom, my kitchen, my car, my purse, my office.

Add that to my long list of pills that I take daily...

How To Behave Around A Pregnant Woman, Part 2

As stated in a previous post, people now need baby-step by baby-step instructions for everyday interactions.  Especially around pregnant women.Now again, this is just my opinion, with input from some friends, but I think most pregnant women would agree.  Here is part 2 of my list.

Having a baby bump does NOT give you permission to rub my belly.  I know I mentioned this last post, but here are a few other reasons...

4.  Babies in the womb are asleep 20 out of 24 hours a day... so you're probably just feeling my belly

5.  Germs.  I don't know where you've been, and you don't know what my other kids have sneezed and coughed all over my mid-section.  Stay healthy, keep your hands to yourself.  It's a nasty cold/flu season right now… I CAN'T get sick!

If you see a pregnant woman trying to dig her car out of the snow, help her.  I mean, common courtesy should dictate that if you see ANYONE stuck in the snow, you should help.  And a husband SHOULD have already dug his pregnant wife's car out, and made sure the driveway was clear for her. But in the case that the snowplows pack 18 inches of snow at the end of a driveway, help a girl out!

If you see a pregnant woman walking quickly in the general direction of a bathroom, don't try to stop her for a conversation.  I mean, common sense, if anyone is rushing to a bathroom, let them be.  But if you see a pregnant woman walking rather quickly, she's either about to be sick or just got kicked in the bladder and really can't stop to chit-chat.

Don't ask "Are you sure it's just 1 baby in there?"  The average woman should gain about 30lbs when they are pregnant.  Some "pop" earlier than others; sometimes the baby rests a certain way and for that moment Mommy looks bigger than she did 15 minutes earlier.  Especially if the mom has posted pictures of her 1 beautiful baby's ultrasound, don't ask if we're sure we're not expecting 2....  Women are vain (sorry, it's true), and Mommyrexia is unfortunately a growing trend.  Help the mommy-to-be's that you know to feel comfortable in their ever changing body: watch your words.

Is A Baby Shower OK For Baby #4?

Going in to this pregnancy, we'd gotten rid of just about everything.

We have some outfits for each of the kids, our favorites, and the ones not ruined by spit-up. 

Any toys we'd gotten rid of because of concerns for the chemicals in the plastic.  

We don't have a crib anymore, and the old baby carseat is long since expired.  

High chair had it's last meal a few years ago...

http://www.toysrus.com/registry/
Registry #: 52002962

So now here we are, expecting another baby.

We've had several friends ask us if we were going to have a baby shower... and several people tell me that if I'm thinking about having one, to not.

So I don't know.... The last baby shower I had was for Samantha, almost 9 years ago.

Anyone who knows me, knows I love to have a party; why not have one for just the baby.  I mean, we still have a few clothes, and I've been slowly stocking up on diapers (very slowly).

I mean, a diaper party isn't too unreasonable, is it?  Or a casserole party?  I mean, I'm having a hard enough time feeding my family with my being so sick, what's it going to be like once the baby's here?  Plenty of people have asked if they could help, and we've accepted, but then it slipped their mind or life happened…

http://www.toysrus.com/registry/
Registry #: 52002962 

Hubby and I had a few evenings to ourselves while the kids were visiting my parents, so we went and did a baby registry.  Not really planning to have a shower; it was more to see all the things that we didn't have… it's  a long list.   We did sign up for the Babies R Us V.I.B. (Very Important Baby) program - where was this when my other kids were little?  Friends and family can contribute to a gift card, that can be used for diapers, formula and baby food, and then Toys 'R' Us adds an additional 5%.

So that is the question: to have baby shower or to not have a baby shower…?  This the the response I got from a 30+ mom group on WhatToExpect.com.  Still not sure what to do...

How to Behave Around A Pregnant Woman Part 1

"Common Sense Isn't Common Anymore" is a phrase that I hear and use almost daily.  What use to make perfect sense to everyone to do or not do is not the case anymore.  People now need baby-step by baby-step instructions for everyday interactions.

Especially around pregnant women.

Now, this is just my opinion, with input from some friends, but I think most pregnant women would agree.  Here is the start of my list


Having a baby bump does NOT give you permission to rub my belly.  I mean I could go on and on, make this whole post about it but here are a few of the big reasons

1. Personal Space.  I get it, some people are just touchy-feely and will find any excuse to hug your or whatever.  But you wouldn't want me rubbing your non-baby belly, so why should you rub my belly.  
2. Maternal instincts.  We are growing a little human in our wombs.  That is my child.  Don't touch my child.
3. Sensitive Skin.  Did you know that some women actually experience sunburn like symptoms on their bellies due to the stretching.  Yea, it hurts. Don't touch.

Don't Call A Pregnant Woman "huge".  We're women.  We can be vain.  We are suppose to gain about 30lbs in a pregnancy.  We develop swelling in random places, carry water weight and have a hard time maneuvering with our protruding bellies.  We already feel huge, you don't need to point it out. And husbands, calling your wife fatty or even "phatty" is NEVER acceptable.

Don't Ask "Is this your first?"  Such an uncomfortable question for so many women.  There are those who have had many miscarriages, or lost a child, that the question is just hard to answer, and it is hard for the other person to hear the answer.

Then there are those who have multiple children, and people give really weird looks when you say "It's my 4th," like you're some kind of side show freak.  I hate when someone responds with "Ever hear of birth control," or even more inappropriate "Ever think of saying no."

Children are miracles from God, a blessing to their families.  Whether in our arms or in our hearts, every baby is precious.

Are you still sick?  Have you tried ____?" If you have HG like me, the answer is always yes.  And sometimes that's hard for people to understand.  And then they list off things that they tried to deal with their morning sickness.  When you've been dealing with it for 20+ weeks, don't you think a women would spend hours online looking up home remedies and old wives tales and try them all, just to feel better?  You really think telling me to drink Ginger Ale at 22 weeks is going to make me say "Oh gee, why didn't I think of that?"

Don't offer to help if you're not going to help.  If you offer to make a pregnant women or new mom a few meals, or to come help with chores, or to watch the kids so she can sleep, and she accepts - DO IT.  If you're not going to follow through, DON'T OFFER.  And, if she doesn't accept - DO IT ANYWAY.  Call and say "I made an extra dish of lasagna for dinner, can I bring it over to you?"  As a mom of 3 with Hyperemesis, and a husband who works 50+ hours a week, making dinner and household chores are hard to get done.

Veggie Lasagna... takes 5 minutes to put together.
Make one for someone!

So that is the start of my list, there is plenty more where that came from...