Can I Really Handle This?

35 Weeks

I went to my doctor on Thursday las week, and was 3, "maybe 4" centimeters dilated.  She told me that she was on call Monday and the following Sunday, and if I went in, she'd probably be able to help move things along.

Well, she didn't.

I went through the weekend, expecting things to be progressing.  I walked as much as I could, drank my Raspberry Leaf tea as often as I could.  Got my maternity leave stuff done for work.

I wanted to go in on Sunday, but decided to wait.

Monday morning, I said goodbye to the kids as they got on the bus, they were excited to think that they'd be able to give me "proper hugs" soon.

Hubby and I went walking around the mall for a bit, just to really get things going.  Of course I was already contracting, but I wanted to be sure baby was really ready to come out.  I think we were annoying some of the regular walkers, because of the frequent stops I was making.  Sorry.

I was still at 3cm, but could be "stretched" to 4cm (sorry, TMI).  She let me walk around for an hour, hoping it would make a difference.  We walked around the first floor for I don't know how long, stopping every other minute.  Surprisingly, we were only asked one time if we were OK and if I needed a wheel chair.  We kindly told the doctor, no, I need to walk.  Did she not see my belly?

When we got back to my bed, the contractions were crazy.  I mean, crazy.  Resting point 0, maxing out at 127 (whatever that means) and lasting about 90 seconds, every 2 minutes.  According to the nurse, that's what she sees when a woman is ready to push.  And when my doctor checked me… no change.  I was crying in pain.  She could see on my face that sending me home like that was not going to happen.  So she admitted me.

I think she was really hoping that something was going to happen that afternoon.  I wonder if that's why she sent a resident to check me, because in the past they'd incorrectly stated that I was more dilated than I really was, so she could in fact move things along…

Thankfully the Nubain helped a bit, but boy these contractions hurt.  My back hurt, my front hurt, everything hurt.   After 3 doses, the contractions started to become irregular.  Didn't go away, didn't become less intense, but spacing out more.

When the doctor came in to check me in the morning, there had been no change, so I was discharged.  I started to bawl my eyes out.  How the heck am I suppose to go another month like this?  It's to a point where I can't concentrate on ANYTHING.  Watching TV, listening to music, helping my kids with homework, folding laundry… Nothing distracts me, and in everything I do I need a "break" every couple of minutes.  I mean, even writing this, I've been working on it for over an hour.

At this point, our biggest fear is when everything really starts, it will happen so fast that I can't get to the hospital in time.